Flicks of Shame: what's a nice actor like you doing in a movie like this?

Shadows Run Black (1986)

Legend has it that Costner’s first film role was that of a corpse in Lawrence Kasdan’s 1983 ensemble drama, The Big Chill – a less-than-active role that ended up on the cutting room floor. That’s not entirely true. His first film role, shot in 1981 but unreleased until 1986, was this sleazy slasher.

As is always the case in this sort of flick, a masked menace is carving their way through the co-ed population of a nameless American town, and this time the prime suspect is one Jimmy Scott (Costner), a swaggering party animal whose girlfriend was the killer’s latest victim – strangled in her swimming pool mere minutes after arguing with Jimmy.

It doesn’t look good for him, especially as the detective on the case is Rydell King, an obsessive nutcase who is psychotically convinced that Jimmy is the killer. Rydell dutifully embarks on his manhunt, with maniacal zeal, paying extra special attention to virginal good girl Judy who he believes is next on Jimmy’s hit list.

In the meantime, several more girls fall victim to the murderer, and Judy is plagued by threatening phone calls. She’s also torn by the fact that her boyfriend is black, while her brother (whose house she lives in) is a demented racist in a cheap blue polyester suit. And his wife is shagging his business partner, all of which may or may not be a red herring in the slowly unfurling game of “Who’s the killer?”

Because it’s clearly not Jimmy.

For a movie so utterly dependent on Jimmy’s guilt, it fumbles this rather basic twist badly. For one thing, the movie actually shows us the man making the phone calls in silhouette – and it ain’t Costner. For another, anybody with their brain still engaged will have twigged the identity of the killer from the moment he barked his way on-screen. Here’s a clue: it’s the character who has acted like a lunatic in every scene, has an unhealthy attachment to Judy and is determined to pin the crimes on Jimmy.

Shadows Run Black is a uniquely awful movie, full of disjointed edits and nonsensical plot diversions. Apparently, all the victims knew each other and yet we never once see them together – or even mention each other – and there’s a baffling and lengthy interlude where a sozzled priest confesses to the crimes, only to vanish completely from the story moments later. Gore fans will be dismayed to learn that of the six murders in the film, three take place off-screen, one is a shadowy strangling and the other two are bloodless stabbings.

Indeed, the only thing Shadows Run Black has in its favour is a relentless desire to distract you from its crippling awfulness with constant female nudity. Every female character disrobes, usually just before being murdered. Of course, the old “strip before you die” motif has been a horror staple ever since Psycho, but Shadows Run Black takes it to hilarious extremes. One girl is taken out while making coffee in the kitchen – completely naked. Another is taking a shower when she hears the killer prowling around, so she goes to investigate – again, completely naked. The other girls all make a point of at least having the decency to jiggle their exposed breasts before meeting their demise.

In fact, with its copious nudity, wooden acting and astonishing excess of bushy handlebar moustaches, the whole mess plays like nothing more than a nightmarish amalgamation of Seventies porno and Hawaii 5-0.

It’s not quite as desperately bad as Hercules In New York (see: Arnold Schwarzenegger) but it comes tantalisingly close. It shares the same bargain basement production values and monotone acting as Arnie’s pre-fame epic but is somewhat marred by the fact that Costner, despite being the main suspect and the subject of almost all conversation in the movie, is only in two scenes – the party where he argues with his girlfriend and then a brief interrogation, which apparently takes place after an off-screen and utterly unexplained arrest.

Despite this, Kevin’s still better than everyone else in the film, but only in the sense that being punched in the balls is better than being shot in the face. Still, in the year following Shadow Run Black’s delayed release he starred with Sean Connery and Robert DeNiro in The Untouchables and was able to put the whole sorry situation behind him.

Need to know: Remarkably, the hi-tech end credits (computerised green text!) omit any mention of Kevin Costner altogether, even though they manage to find space to laud the talents behind such vital roles as Girl Stabbed In Chest, Man Watching Television and Baby In Crib.

Honourable mention: No trawl through Costner’s cupboard of catastrophe would be complete without a mention of Sizzle Beach USA, another pseudo-porn flick starring the future Oscar winner. A sweet, naked tale of three girls trying to make it in California whilst exposing their boobs and having lots of softcore sex, Costner stars as a nice guy rancher who hides the fact that he’s incredibly wealthy so one of the girls – named Dit for some unfathomable reason – will like him for who he is. It’s not exactly on a par with Sylvester Stallone’s infamous porn past as the Italian Stallion, but for an actor as serious and sensible as Costner, Sizzle Beach USA is more than sleazy enough, thank you.

Availability: Shadows Run Black came out on UK DVD in 2003, but has since been deleted. You can easily find copies online though, for about the same cost as renting Waterworld overnight. Your choice.

		Shadows Run Black (1986) Legend has it that Costner’s first film role was that of a corpse in Lawrence Kasdan’s 1983 ensemble drama, The Big Chill – a less-than-active role that ended up on the cutting room floor. That’s not entirely true. His first film role, shot in 1981 but unreleased until 1986, was this sleazy slasher. As is always the case in this sort of flick, a masked menace is carving their way through the co-ed population of a nameless American town, and this time the prime suspect is one Jimmy Scott (Costner), a swaggering party animal whose girlfriend was the killer’s latest victim – strangled in her swimming pool mere minutes after arguing with Jimmy. It doesn’t look good for him, especially as the detective on the case is Rydell King, an obsessive nutcase who is psychotically convinced that Jimmy is the killer. Rydell dutifully embarks on his manhunt, with maniacal zeal, paying extra special attention to virginal good girl Judy who he believes is next on Jimmy’s hit list. In the meantime, several more girls fall victim to the murderer, and Judy is plagued by threatening phone calls. She’s also torn by the fact that her boyfriend is black, while her brother (whose house she lives in) is a demented racist in a cheap blue polyester suit. And his wife is shagging his business partner, all of which may or may not be a red herring in the slowly unfurling game of “Who’s the killer?” Because it’s clearly not Jimmy. For a movie so utterly dependent on Jimmy’s guilt, it fumbles this rather basic twist badly. For one thing, the movie actually shows us the man making the phone calls in silhouette – and it ain’t Costner. For another, anybody with their brain still engaged will have twigged the identity of the killer from the moment he barked his way on-screen. Here’s a clue: it’s the character who has acted like a lunatic in every scene, has an unhealthy attachment to Judy and is determined to pin the crimes on Jimmy. Shadows Run Black is a uniquely awful movie, full of disjointed edits and nonsensical plot diversions. Apparently, all the victims knew each other and yet we never once see them together – or even mention each other – and there’s a baffling and lengthy interlude where a sozzled priest confesses to the crimes, only to vanish completely from the story moments later. Gore fans will be dismayed to learn that of the six murders in the film, three take place off-screen, one is a shadowy strangling and the other two are bloodless stabbings. Indeed, the only thing Shadows Run Black has in its favour is a relentless desire to distract you from its crippling awfulness with constant female nudity. Every female character disrobes, usually just before being murdered. Of course, the old “strip before you die” motif has been a horror staple ever since Psycho, but Shadows Run Black takes it to hilarious extremes. One girl is taken out while making coffee in the kitchen – completely naked. Another is taking a shower when she hears the killer prowling around, so she goes to investigate – again, completely naked. The other girls all make a point of at least having the decency to jiggle their exposed breasts before meeting their demise. In fact, with its copious nudity, wooden acting and astonishing excess of bushy handlebar moustaches, the whole mess plays like nothing more than a nightmarish amalgamation of Seventies porno and Hawaii 5-0. It’s not quite as desperately bad as Hercules In New York (see: Arnold Schwarzenegger) but it comes tantalisingly close. It shares the same bargain basement production values and monotone acting as Arnie’s pre-fame epic but is somewhat marred by the fact that Costner, despite being the main suspect and the subject of almost all conversation in the movie, is only in two scenes – the party where he argues with his girlfriend and then a brief interrogation, which apparently takes place after an off-screen and utterly unexplained arrest. Despite this, Kevin’s still better than everyone else in the film, but only in the sense that being punched in the balls is better than being shot in the face. Still, in the year following Shadow Run Black’s delayed release he starred with Sean Connery and Robert DeNiro in The Untouchables and was able to put the whole sorry situation behind him. Need to know: Remarkably, the hi-tech end credits (computerised green text!) omit any mention of Kevin Costner altogether, even though they manage to find space to laud the talents behind such vital roles as Girl Stabbed In Chest, Man Watching Television and Baby In Crib. Honourable mention: No trawl through Costner’s cupboard of catastrophe would be complete without a mention of Sizzle Beach USA, another pseudo-porn flick starring the future Oscar winner. A sweet, naked tale of three girls trying to make it in California whilst exposing their boobs and having lots of softcore sex, Costner stars as a nice guy rancher who hides the fact that he’s incredibly wealthy so one of the girls – named Dit for some unfathomable reason – will like him for who he is. It’s not exactly on a par with Sylvester Stallone’s infamous porn past as the Italian Stallion, but for an actor as serious and sensible as Costner, Sizzle Beach USA is more than sleazy enough, thank you. Availability: Shadows Run Black came out on UK DVD in 2003, but has since been deleted. You can easily find copies online though, for about the same cost as renting Waterworld overnight. Your choice.
Text © 2008 Dan Whitehead. No cut and paste, y'hear? All images remain the property of the offending studios and their reproduction is covered by Fair Use law.