While her most
famous cinematic sparring partner ended her career playing catch with
a caveman (see: Joan Crawford), screen icon Bette Davis made
an even less dignified exit from the big screen in this ill conceived
supernatural comedy.
Clearly inspired by the success of Beetlejuice the previous year, Wicked
Stepmother stars Davis as Miranda Pierpoint, an immortal witch who travels
across America, setting up home with unsuspecting families, using her
mystical powers to make them wealthy and then killing them off (or shrinking
them and leaving them in a shoebox) before fleeing with the money.
When we first meet her she’s already got her feet under the table
of the Fisher household, by bewitching and marrying the grandfather of
the family while he’s home alone. Naturally, his health nut daughter,
Jenny, and her wimpy lawyer husband, Steve, are less than pleased with
the chain-smoking, meat eating monster that has shacked up with Gramps.
Jenny hires a dim-witted private eye to find out just who she is.
However, it’s here that the production hit a snag. Shortly after
filming started, Bette Davis quit the movie. Some say it was because
she demanded the shoddy script be rewritten and the producer’s
refused. This is plausible, as the movie is irredeemably awful. Others
say she saw the footage they had shot and was so appalled at how old
she looked that she simply stopped acting. This is also entirely possible,
as in her few scenes the once great actress resembles a tiny leathery
skeleton. Yet another rumour says that she was simply too ill to continue.
Again, a more than logical suggestion, as she passed away soon after.
What can be said for certain is that the departure of the main character – and
the biggest star in the film – left a rather large hole to be filled.
One hasty rewrite later, and Miranda’s sudden absence was explained
away by the introduction of her daughter, Priscilla, also a witch. Stretching
credulity to the limit, we learn that mother and daughter must share
the same “metabolic space” – and while one is in human
form, the other must take up residence…in a cat.
With the missing Bette Davis thus crudely excused, the film then degenerates
into a predictably shrill and witless farce, made all the worse by the
fact that it’s clearly two stories hurriedly edited together to
come up with a complete movie. Priscilla helps Steve win an important
case, and uses her magic powers to help their young son defeat some bullies
on the beach. Then, for no apparent reason, she demolishes their kitchen.
Finally, she grants befuddled old Grandad the power to correctly answer
any question, and uses her powers to get him on a TV game show where
he can win millions. “He’s cute”, she muses, “I
won’t change him into an insect for at least six months.”
Of course, this is possibly the most circuitous route to wealth ever – especially
for someone who could quite easily walk into any bank and get the staff
to willingly hand over every banknote in the vault.
The conclusion relies on a frankly bewildering pile-up of contrivance
and coincidence, as Jenny takes a crash course in witchcraft to fight
back, where she meets the cop investigating Miranda’s previous
crimes. Together they trap the two scheming witches in the body of the
cat, with the help of Grandad who – of course – can answer
any question, including “how do we stop this witch and get the
hell out of this lousy movie?” The solution, should you care, is
to toss glitter on them. Useful to know.
Need to know: Wicked Stepmother is full of familiar
TV faces, which gives you a good indication of the budget. Steve Fisher
was played by David
Rasche, then famous for the spoof detective show Sledge Hammer; lovable
old Grandad was played by Lionel Stander, aka Max from Hart to Hart (“It
was moider!"); the cop on Miranda’s trail was played by Tom
Bosley, best known as Richie Cunningham’s father on Happy Days;
and the hapless private eye was played by Night Court’s Richard
Moll. The role of Priscilla went to Barbara Carrera, who also supplied
sexy villainy
as a woman grown in an aquarium in the truly appalling fertility shocker,
Embryo (see: Rock Hudson). Wicked Stepmother was written and directed
by Larry Cohen, the B-movie maestro whose other works include Q The Winged
Serpent, The Stuff and Return to Salem’s Lot (see: Tara
Reid).
Availability: Wicked Stepmother can only be found on second-hand VHS.
