Flicks of Shame: what's a nice actor like you doing in a movie like this?

The Death Artist (1995)

Walter Paisley (Anthony Michael Hall) is the awkward, basement-dwelling busboy at Jabberjaw, a painfully hip bohemian coffee bar where pretentious poetry and naked violin performance art are the norm. Trying desperately to break into the world of post-modern art, and impress local hippy chick Carla (Justine Bateman), Walter is a running joke for both the patrons and staff of the elitist establishment.

Walter’s big break comes when he accidentally stabs his elderly neighbour’s cat while freeing it from a hollow wall. Inspiration strikes, he sets to work with some plaster and the next day his sculpture, Dead Cat, is the toast of the town.

Of course, everyone wants to know what this exciting new talent will produce next and the bodies start to pile up, with Walter at first reluctant and then maniacal in his drive to stay in the good graces of the shallow coffee house crowd. From caved-in skulls to garrotted women, and a particularly nasty severed head produced by introducing a carpenter to his own benchsaw, Walter’s gruesome work starts to attract attention from the cops as well as the hipper-than-thou bourgeoisie.

His ghoulish methods are inevitably uncovered, and the disturbed young man flees back to his dingy apartment. When the baying mob break down his door, they find Walter’s final masterpiece – his own hanging corpse, dripping in plaster.

But back up a little - who is the frazzled hipster who is the first to pass comment on the seminal Dead Cat? Why, that would be comedy superstar Will Ferrell in his very first screen appearance, shot just before he began his climb to stardom. Clad in a lurid tropical shirt, corkscrew afro hairdo and a horrendous furry waistcoat, Ferrell – credited only as “Young Man” – enthusiastically declares the preserved pussy to be “out there, man” but admits that he doesn’t have any money to buy it. Ferrell’s fuzzy face turns up again shortly afterwards, as the thronging crowd bid to buy the statue, announcing that “I’ve found five bucks, I can buy your cat”.

That’s all the Ferrell you get, but his appearance isn’t all that unlikely, given that the movie’s tone is broadly satirical rather than purposefully horrific.

Need to know: The Death Artist, also released as Dark Secrets, is a remake of the 1959 Roger Corman flick, Bucket of Blood, in which Dick Miller’s wannabe beatnik becomes the toast of bohemia thanks to his lifelike sculptures. The stories are almost identical, though the 1959 version didn’t bother to include a nude violinist. Other notable faces to watch out for in the cast are Sam Lloyd as Jabberjaw owner Leonard, who TV viewers may recognise as Ted Buckland from Scrubs or Desperate Housewives’ Dr Goldfine, and Mink Stole, a regular in John Waters’ early sleaze movies such as Mondo Trasho and Pink Flamingoes.

Availability: Unreleased in the UK, the easiest way to find The Death Artist is to seek out a US ex-rental tape.

		The Death Artist (1995) Walter Paisley (Anthony Michael Hall) is the awkward, basement-dwelling busboy at Jabberjaw, a painfully hip bohemian coffee bar where pretentious poetry and naked violin performance art are the norm. Trying desperately to break into the world of post-modern art, and impress local hippy chick Carla (Justine Bateman), Walter is a running joke for both the patrons and staff of the elitist establishment. Walter’s big break comes when he accidentally stabs his elderly neighbour’s cat while freeing it from a hollow wall. Inspiration strikes, he sets to work with some plaster and the next day his sculpture, Dead Cat, is the toast of the town. Of course, everyone wants to know what this exciting new talent will produce next and the bodies start to pile up, with Walter at first reluctant and then maniacal in his drive to stay in the good graces of the shallow coffee house crowd. From caved-in skulls to garrotted women, and a particularly nasty severed head produced by introducing a carpenter to his own benchsaw, Walter’s gruesome work starts to attract attention from the cops as well as the hipper-than-thou bourgeoisie. His ghoulish methods are inevitably uncovered, and the disturbed young man flees back to his dingy apartment. When the baying mob break down his door, they find Walter’s final masterpiece – his own hanging corpse, dripping in plaster. But back up a little - who is the frazzled hipster who is the first to pass comment on the seminal Dead Cat? Why, that would be comedy superstar Will Ferrell in his very first screen appearance, shot just before he began his climb to stardom. Clad in a lurid tropical shirt, corkscrew afro hairdo and a horrendous furry waistcoat, Ferrell – credited only as “Young Man” – enthusiastically declares the preserved pussy to be “out there, man” but admits that he doesn’t have any money to buy it. Ferrell’s fuzzy face turns up again shortly afterwards, as the thronging crowd bid to buy the statue, announcing that “I’ve found five bucks, I can buy your cat”. That’s all the Ferrell you get, but his appearance isn’t all that unlikely, given that the movie’s tone is broadly satirical rather than purposefully horrific. Need to know: The Death Artist, also released as Dark Secrets, is a remake of the 1959 Roger Corman flick, Bucket of Blood, in which Dick Miller’s wannabe beatnik becomes the toast of bohemia thanks to his lifelike sculptures. The stories are almost identical, though the 1959 version didn’t bother to include a nude violinist. Other notable faces to watch out for in the cast are Sam Lloyd as Jabberjaw owner Leonard, who TV viewers may recognise as Ted Buckland from Scrubs or Desperate Housewives’ Dr Goldfine, and Mink Stole, a regular in John Waters’ early sleaze movies such as Mondo Trasho and Pink Flamingoes. Availability: Unreleased in the UK, the easiest way to find The Death Artist is to seek out a US ex-rental tape.
Text © 2008 Dan Whitehead. No cut and paste, y'hear? All images remain the property of the offending studios and their reproduction is covered by Fair Use law.