Flicks of Shame: what's a nice actor like you doing in a movie like this?

My Boyfriend’s Back (1993)

Aimless slacker Johnny Dingle has got the hots for Missy McCloud. Big time. Harbouring a crush on her since the age of six, there’s one major problem: Missy’s boyfriend, Buck Van Patten. Buck is tall, handsome, athletic and played by a very young and terrifyingly smarmy Matthew Fox, over a decade away from his star-making turn as rugged doctor Jack on the TV sensation Lost. So you can see just how unfairly fate has stacked the deck against poor Johnny.

It’s only when the high school prom comes around, and he realises this could be his last chance to win her heart, that Johnny actually does something about his unrequited passion. He’s going to win Missy, even if it kills him. Here’s a clue: it does.

Whenever Johnny tries to talk to Missy, Buck’s there to sour things – along with his mentally challenged meathead henchman, Chuck Bronski. Walking with a simian waddle, talking with a malevolent lisp and clad in dungarees and a backwards baseball cap with a Tintin style quiff peeking through the top, Chuck is a bizarre and clearly deranged character – a cross between a caveman and a children’s TV presenter. The snuffling, swaggering nightmare of Chuck, ladies and gentlemen, is played by a 26-year-old Philip Seymour Hoffman, then a mere Philip Hoffman, and now the toast of Tinseltown for his Oscar winning role in Capote, as well as a whole raft of prestigious dramas and A-list blockbusters.

Despite these twin pre-fame idiots foiling his romantic ambitions, Johnny has a plan. He goes to the convenience store where Missy works, and gets his best friend Eddie to burst in dressed as a masked robber. Johnny saves the day, Missy falls in love, true love conquers all. Except it doesn’t quite work out that way. A genuine armed robber beats Eddie to the checkout, and Johnny’s fake bravado earns him a bullet in the chest. With his dying breath, he asks Missy to the prom and, understandably shocked, pleasantly surprised and with seemingly little chance of having to fulfil her promise, Missy says yes.

The next day, with his life’s dream frustratingly incomplete, Johnny rises from his grave as a zombie and sets off to keep his date. Trouble is, he’s decomposing fast and if he wants his undead status to last until prom night, he’ll need to devour human flesh to keep himself going.
Strangely, nobody seems hugely freaked out by the undead Johnny. A little disgusted, sure, but the town takes this peculiar development in its stride, preferring to react with sniffy prejudice rather than bug-eyed terror. But Missy actually finds herself falling for the earnest dead boy who showers her with attention – much to Buck’s annoyance.

At his master’s bidding, Chuck goes after Johnny, grabbing a fire axe to put a stop to his romantic intentions. Sadly, Chuck being a rather dim bulb, swings the axe upwards for the killer blow…and embeds the blade in his own head. Realising there’s no point letting him go to waste, Johnny snacks on Chuck’s innards to give himself enough undead life to see him through to his dream date.

Unfortunately, Chuck remains dead so we’re denied the chance to see a zombie Hoffman, but it’s worth staying with the movie as it proves itself to be a rather enjoyable little black comedy – a sort of Teen Zombie companion piece to the better known Teen Wolf – with plenty of witty situations and dialogue, including one priceless scene in which Johnny’s curiously upbeat parents steal a toddler for him to eat.

And does Johnny get the girl, and find a way for them to be together? Of course he does, though it doesn’t involve him eating her. Sadly.

Need to know: My Boyfriend’s Back was directed by Bob Balaban, the bearded actor/writer/director who most people will know as Francois Truffaut’s nervous translator in Close Encounters of the Third Kind. You can also see him in Altered States (see: William Hurt). In 2005, he co-starred with Hoffman in Capote, so there were obviously no hard feelings about the whole “axe in the head” thing.

The rest of the cast went on to varied success. Apart from Matthew Fox’s success in Party of Five and Lost, Andrew Lowery (who played Johnny) went on to co-write the commendably stupid Dennis Rodman action flick, Simon Sez. The lovely Missy McCloud, meanwhile, was played by Traci Lind who graced several fun horror flicks in the Nineties, including Fright Night 2 and Class of 1999 (see: Michael J. Fox). In another fun crap movie connection, when Johnny reaches heaven the man who passes judgement on him is Paxton Whitehead, a venerable British character actor who also appeared as Father Rosetti in the daft immaculate conception chiller, Child of Darkness Child of Light (see: Josh Lucas). And finally, if you keep your eyes peeled during the scene where Johnny takes Missy to the movies, you may spot a baby-faced Matthew McConaughey heckling the duo and making his inauspicious movie debut as Guy #2.

Availability: The only place you’re likely to find My Boyfriend’s Back is on US DVD.

		My Boyfriend’s Back (1993) Aimless slacker Johnny Dingle has got the hots for Missy McCloud. Big time. Harbouring a crush on her since the age of six, there’s one major problem: Missy’s boyfriend, Buck Van Patten. Buck is tall, handsome, athletic and played by a very young and terrifyingly smarmy Matthew Fox, over a decade away from his star-making turn as rugged doctor Jack on the TV sensation Lost. So you can see just how unfairly fate has stacked the deck against poor Johnny. It’s only when the high school prom comes around, and he realises this could be his last chance to win her heart, that Johnny actually does something about his unrequited passion. He’s going to win Missy, even if it kills him. Here’s a clue: it does. Whenever Johnny tries to talk to Missy, Buck’s there to sour things – along with his mentally challenged meathead henchman, Chuck Bronski. Walking with a simian waddle, talking with a malevolent lisp and clad in dungarees and a backwards baseball cap with a Tintin style quiff peeking through the top, Chuck is a bizarre and clearly deranged character – a cross between a caveman and a children’s TV presenter. The snuffling, swaggering nightmare of Chuck, ladies and gentlemen, is played by a 26-year-old Philip Seymour Hoffman, then a mere Philip Hoffman, and now the toast of Tinseltown for his Oscar winning role in Capote, as well as a whole raft of prestigious dramas and A-list blockbusters. Despite these twin pre-fame idiots foiling his romantic ambitions, Johnny has a plan. He goes to the convenience store where Missy works, and gets his best friend Eddie to burst in dressed as a masked robber. Johnny saves the day, Missy falls in love, true love conquers all. Except it doesn’t quite work out that way. A genuine armed robber beats Eddie to the checkout, and Johnny’s fake bravado earns him a bullet in the chest. With his dying breath, he asks Missy to the prom and, understandably shocked, pleasantly surprised and with seemingly little chance of having to fulfil her promise, Missy says yes. The next day, with his life’s dream frustratingly incomplete, Johnny rises from his grave as a zombie and sets off to keep his date. Trouble is, he’s decomposing fast and if he wants his undead status to last until prom night, he’ll need to devour human flesh to keep himself going. Strangely, nobody seems hugely freaked out by the undead Johnny. A little disgusted, sure, but the town takes this peculiar development in its stride, preferring to react with sniffy prejudice rather than bug-eyed terror. But Missy actually finds herself falling for the earnest dead boy who showers her with attention – much to Buck’s annoyance. At his master’s bidding, Chuck goes after Johnny, grabbing a fire axe to put a stop to his romantic intentions. Sadly, Chuck being a rather dim bulb, swings the axe upwards for the killer blow…and embeds the blade in his own head. Realising there’s no point letting him go to waste, Johnny snacks on Chuck’s innards to give himself enough undead life to see him through to his dream date. Unfortunately, Chuck remains dead so we’re denied the chance to see a zombie Hoffman, but it’s worth staying with the movie as it proves itself to be a rather enjoyable little black comedy – a sort of Teen Zombie companion piece to the better known Teen Wolf – with plenty of witty situations and dialogue, including one priceless scene in which Johnny’s curiously upbeat parents steal a toddler for him to eat. And does Johnny get the girl, and find a way for them to be together? Of course he does, though it doesn’t involve him eating her. Sadly. Need to know: My Boyfriend’s Back was directed by Bob Balaban, the bearded actor/writer/director who most people will know as Francois Truffaut’s nervous translator in Close Encounters of the Third Kind. You can also see him in Altered States (see: William Hurt). In 2005, he co-starred with Hoffman in Capote, so there were obviously no hard feelings about the whole “axe in the head” thing. The rest of the cast went on to varied success. Apart from Matthew Fox’s success in Party of Five and Lost, Andrew Lowery (who played Johnny) went on to co-write the commendably stupid Dennis Rodman action flick, Simon Sez. The lovely Missy McCloud, meanwhile, was played by Traci Lind who graced several fun horror flicks in the Nineties, including Fright Night 2 and Class of 1999 (see: Michael J. Fox). In another fun crap movie connection, when Johnny reaches heaven the man who passes judgement on him is Paxton Whitehead, a venerable British character actor who also appeared as Father Rosetti in the daft immaculate conception chiller, Child of Darkness Child of Light (see: Josh Lucas). And finally, if you keep your eyes peeled during the scene where Johnny takes Missy to the movies, you may spot a baby-faced Matthew McConaughey heckling the duo and making his inauspicious movie debut as Guy #2. Availability: The only place you’re likely to find My Boyfriend’s Back is on US DVD.
Text © 2008 Dan Whitehead. No cut and paste, y'hear? All images remain the property of the offending studios and their reproduction is covered by Fair Use law.