Flicks of Shame: what's a nice actor like you doing in a movie like this?

Model by Day (1994)

If you thought that the role of telepath Jean Grey in the X-Men trilogy marked Dutch darling Famke Janssen’s first venture into the world of superheroes, you’d be dead wrong. The year before her role as GoldenEye’s thigh-crushing Bond girl Xenia Onatopp started her on the road to Hollywood success, she headlined this laughable vigilante romp as Lex, a supermodel with justice on her mind.

While most superheroes are spurred to action by some fatal calamity striking painfully close to home, such as the murder of a close relative, Lex’s motivation is somewhat less urgent. Her roommate, Jae, hurts her eye after getting carjacked in Central Park, and this really ticks Lex off.

After being scolded by her wheelchair-bound Tae Kwon Do teacher for allowing her anger to become a distraction, Lex bumps into Shannon – a high-kicking self defence tutor who casually remarks that had she been in the park that fateful night, Jae wouldn’t be the one in hospital.
Remember this seemingly random snippet of dialogue, it proves useful later.

All of this is apparently enough to tip Lex over the edge from feisty photogenic starlet to costumed nocturnal avenger, and a Chanel fashion show in which all the models wear blank masks gives her the bright (and somewhat obvious) idea of disguising her famous features while prowling the city streets.

The result? She becomes Lady X, girl powered defender of lone women everywhere. And what is the well-dressed superheroine wearing this season? Purple, mostly. To be more precise, a tight leather purple bustier, purple hotpants and thigh-high purple leather boots with purple suspenders all form the basis of the ensemble, while the crowning glory is a shiny round purple helmet (steady, boys) and purple sunglasses. Quite how she’s even able to navigate the night time streets of Manhattan in this get-up, let alone fight street thugs to a standstill, is a mystery as the effect is less “comic book hero” and more “bondage-obsessed synchronised swimmer”.

On her first foray into the night Lady X miraculously manages to find and defeat the carjackers who so cruelly hurt her friend’s eye (the heartless bastards), and she goes on to hammer the crap out of a sleazy nightclub owner – his crime being a lousy pick-up attempt. Sadly, the nightclub owner turns up dead the next day and Lady X is in the frame for his murder. To complicate things even further, Lex is falling in love with the detective assigned to the case. Women, eh? As more dubious underworld figures are apparently slain by the victorious vixen, it becomes clear that there’s a fake Lady X at work.

Remember Shannon’s apparently random dialogue from earlier? Now would be a good time to recall it.

Yes, Shannon, the fervent evangelist for self defence, is the murderous Fake Lady X and after a sexy tussle with the real Lady X, she does the decent thing and plummets to her death from the top of a building. As far as the cops are concerned, the case is closed…but Lex’s cheeky pre-credits grin suggests that she isn’t ready to hang up her purple helmet just yet. The saucy minx.

This is hardly a role to stretch or even showcase the talents of Miss Janssen, but she does a better job of making Lex a rounded character than the script ever does. Despite this, there’s no way on Earth that the clumsy leg-waving on display in her fight sequences is the work of a black belt Tae Kwon Do expert. Regardless, this movie is worth seeking out just to see how hilariously stupid Famke looks in her Lady X costume. The worst superhero outfit ever? Oh, yes.

Need to know: Model By Day was based on a justifiably obscure comic book, and was adapted for the screen by Jeph Loeb, a writer who would go on to success in the comic book industry for his takes on the origins of heroes such as Spider-Man, Daredevil and Hulk, as well as the Batman epic, The Long Halloween. Loeb is also one of the driving forces behind Lost and Smallville. Other movies to spring from his pen include the early Arnie romp Commando and the seminal Eighties Fox-fest, Teen Wolf.

The role of Shannon was played by Shannon Tweed, Playboy Playmate and star of countless softcore erotic thrillers with titles such as Indecent Behaviour, Victim of Desire, Illicit Dreams and, of course, Body Chemistry 4: Full Exposure. Remarkably, despite several utterly gratuitous scenes of full-frontal nudity in Model by Day, none of them involve Tweed’s infamous assets. Or Famke’s for that matter, so stop reaching for the box of tissues. Shame on you.

Availability: The original US video release is now very rare, and you can expect to pay upwards of $40 for copy. Alternatively, you can cast your eyes over to Holland where a DVD version (with Dutch subtitles) is much easier to find, and a lot cheaper.

		Model by Day (1994) If you thought that the role of telepath Jean Grey in the X-Men trilogy marked Dutch darling Famke Janssen’s first venture into the world of superheroes, you’d be dead wrong. The year before her role as GoldenEye’s thigh-crushing Bond girl Xenia Onatopp started her on the road to Hollywood success, she headlined this laughable vigilante romp as Lex, a supermodel with justice on her mind. While most superheroes are spurred to action by some fatal calamity striking painfully close to home, such as the murder of a close relative, Lex’s motivation is somewhat less urgent. Her roommate, Jae, hurts her eye after getting carjacked in Central Park, and this really ticks Lex off. After being scolded by her wheelchair-bound Tae Kwon Do teacher for allowing her anger to become a distraction, Lex bumps into Shannon – a high-kicking self defence tutor who casually remarks that had she been in the park that fateful night, Jae wouldn’t be the one in hospital. Remember this seemingly random snippet of dialogue, it proves useful later. All of this is apparently enough to tip Lex over the edge from feisty photogenic starlet to costumed nocturnal avenger, and a Chanel fashion show in which all the models wear blank masks gives her the bright (and somewhat obvious) idea of disguising her famous features while prowling the city streets. The result? She becomes Lady X, girl powered defender of lone women everywhere. And what is the well-dressed superheroine wearing this season? Purple, mostly. To be more precise, a tight leather purple bustier, purple hotpants and thigh-high purple leather boots with purple suspenders all form the basis of the ensemble, while the crowning glory is a shiny round purple helmet (steady, boys) and purple sunglasses. Quite how she’s even able to navigate the night time streets of Manhattan in this get-up, let alone fight street thugs to a standstill, is a mystery as the effect is less “comic book hero” and more “bondage-obsessed synchronised swimmer”. On her first foray into the night Lady X miraculously manages to find and defeat the carjackers who so cruelly hurt her friend’s eye (the heartless bastards), and she goes on to hammer the crap out of a sleazy nightclub owner – his crime being a lousy pick-up attempt. Sadly, the nightclub owner turns up dead the next day and Lady X is in the frame for his murder. To complicate things even further, Lex is falling in love with the detective assigned to the case. Women, eh? As more dubious underworld figures are apparently slain by the victorious vixen, it becomes clear that there’s a fake Lady X at work. Remember Shannon’s apparently random dialogue from earlier? Now would be a good time to recall it. Yes, Shannon, the fervent evangelist for self defence, is the murderous Fake Lady X and after a sexy tussle with the real Lady X, she does the decent thing and plummets to her death from the top of a building. As far as the cops are concerned, the case is closed…but Lex’s cheeky pre-credits grin suggests that she isn’t ready to hang up her purple helmet just yet. The saucy minx. This is hardly a role to stretch or even showcase the talents of Miss Janssen, but she does a better job of making Lex a rounded character than the script ever does. Despite this, there’s no way on Earth that the clumsy leg-waving on display in her fight sequences is the work of a black belt Tae Kwon Do expert. Regardless, this movie is worth seeking out just to see how hilariously stupid Famke looks in her Lady X costume. The worst superhero outfit ever? Oh, yes. Need to know: Model By Day was based on a justifiably obscure comic book, and was adapted for the screen by Jeph Loeb, a writer who would go on to success in the comic book industry for his takes on the origins of heroes such as Spider-Man, Daredevil and Hulk, as well as the Batman epic, The Long Halloween. Loeb is also one of the driving forces behind Lost and Smallville. Other movies to spring from his pen include the early Arnie romp Commando and the seminal Eighties Fox-fest, Teen Wolf. The role of Shannon was played by Shannon Tweed, Playboy Playmate and star of countless softcore erotic thrillers with titles such as Indecent Behaviour, Victim of Desire, Illicit Dreams and, of course, Body Chemistry 4: Full Exposure. Remarkably, despite several utterly gratuitous scenes of full-frontal nudity in Model by Day, none of them involve Tweed’s infamous assets. Or Famke’s for that matter, so stop reaching for the box of tissues. Shame on you. Availability: The original US video release is now very rare, and you can expect to pay upwards of $40 for copy. Alternatively, you can cast your eyes over to Holland where a DVD version (with Dutch subtitles) is much easier to find, and a lot cheaper.
Text © 2008 Dan Whitehead. No cut and paste, y'hear? All images remain the property of the offending studios and their reproduction is covered by Fair Use law.