In 1993, Julianne Moore was
lavished with praise by many critics for her emotionally (and physically)
naked performance in Robert Altman’s
Short Cuts, a dizzying narrative web of overlapping lives in Los Angeles.
Nominated for four Oscars (twice in 2003, for both Best Actress and Best
Supporting Actress) she’s starred in such critically acclaimed
fare as Boogie Nights, The Big Lebowski, Magnolia, Far From Heaven and
The Hours, as well as occasional forays into the realms of the blockbuster,
with the Jurassic Park sequel, The Lost World, and Ridley Scott’s
Lecter sequel, Hannibal.
However, in 1990 she was billed beneath Christian Slater, Debbie Harry
and even Rae Dawn Chong when she appeared in Lot 249, the first of three
segments in this monstrously stupid horror anthology, a spin-off from
a long-forgotten Eighties TV series.
As a scheming femme fatale, it’s Moore’s character of Susan
who sets the story in motion. A nerdy archaeology student called Bellingham
(Steve Buscemi) is besotted with her, but doesn’t
realise that she’s manipulating him – and framing him for
theft so that Lee, her rich-but-dim boyfriend, will get his scholarship
instead.
Susan’s brother Andy (Christian Slater) is supposedly
a friend of Bellingham’s, but he’s also best friends with
Lee, and when he discovers what the pair are plotting, he disapproves
but fails to act.
Sadly for all involved, Bellingham has just taken delivery of Lot 249,
an authentic Egyptian mummy complete with a magical scroll to reanimate
it.
With revenge in mind, Bellingham unleashes the dusty creature, and
it attacks Lee first, pulling his brains through his nose using a coat-hanger.
It’s always nice to have a gimmick and this mummy likes to kill
people using genuine embalming methods from ancient Egypt. It then goes
after Susan and, after the obligatory scream-filled chase around her
apartment, the mummy slashes her open with some scissors and stuffs her
still-living torso full of flowers. Chrysanthemums, since you ask. As
you can imagine, this grisly demise is a pretty conclusive signpost for
Julianne Moore’s exit from the proceedings.
A grief-stricken Andy then confronts Bellingham, dismembers the mummy
and threatens to burn them both to death if he doesn’t hand over
the scroll. Bellingham complies, and Andy tosses it in the fire. Unable
to lower himself to killing, he then lets Bellingham go, with a promise
never to return. But, of course, as we watch Bellingham drive off in
a taxi, we discover that – gasp! – he gave him a fake scroll.
It may not sound like it, but Lot 249 is actually the best of the three
tales on offer – though as the competition involves a killer cat
jumping down a hitman’s throat and a gargoyle in love, that’s
hardly an achievement. It’s most notable for the nastiness of the
two murders, with Moore’s demise being especially brutal. Ironically,
all the nominal stars of the film have since faded into obscurity, while
the two minor supporting players – Moore and Buscemi – went
on to ever greater fame and acclaim.
Honourable mentions: Moore also co-starred in a little-seen horror spoof
called sLaughterhouse II in 1988, in which she clashed with a clown-faced
killer called Pigsby, and in the 1991 horror-noir, Cast A Deadly Spell,
in which writer H.P. Lovecraft was reimagined as a Raymond Chandler styled
private detective in a Forties Hollywood where magic use is commonplace.
The first is now lost to the sands of time, while the second is actually
a rather fresh and fun confection and well worth tracking down, if only
for Fred Ward’s fantastic turn as Lovecraft.
Availability: Tales From the Darkside is available on budget DVD.
