Flicks of Shame: what's a nice actor like you doing in a movie like this?

The 13th Floor (1988)

Heather Thompson’s dad is a bit of a dodgy character. A rising Australian politician, he also gets involved in plenty of dirty business and when she’s just a young girl, Heather witnesses one such act. Disobeying her father’s order to stay in the car, she follows him to the 13th floor of an office block under construction, where she sees him torture a man over some missing money – and then electrocute his son.

Twelve years later and Heather has, somewhat predictably, grown into something of an unruly young woman. Living on her wits, she’s swiped incriminating evidence about her father’s murderous affairs and squats in the very same office block where his crimes took place. Where in the office block? Why, the 13th floor of course. It’s empty because nobody will rent it thanks to the screwy electrics. Do you think there could be something spooky going on? Of course there is. The ghost of the electrocuted young boy inhabits the wiring, and he wants Heather to help him get his revenge.

But before we get to the supernatural vengeance we have to suffer through a stupefying amount of dreary soap opera nonsense with Heather’s squalid pals. Sharing the squat is Rebecca, a homeless junkie waif who has taken a shine to Heather. Dressed in a beige paisley blouse, a brown skirt and a brown headscarf for the entire movie, she looks less like an Eighties runaway and more like a dowdy Sixties housewife. And, you guessed it, Rebecca is played by the 21-year-old Miranda Otto, still fifteen years away from finding fame as Eowyn in the Lord of the Rings trilogy and starring in Spielberg’s War of the Worlds.

The office block is also home to Australia’s Social Services department, an operation that apparently requires just two men and one computer. The younger, more sexually desperate, of the two men falls for Heather, and helps her change her name on the database to avoid detection. This simple task takes about ten minutes of screen time. She then shags him as a thank you. Another five minutes.

At this point the filmmakers clearly realised they needed to remind people that they’re watching a ghost story, as Heather’s romp with the man from Social Services really upsets Rebecca, thanks to her unrequited lesbian crush. The distraught Rebecca locks herself in the toilets and the apparition of the boy finally does something useful and mutely nudges her in the direction of a massive and fatal overdose. Exit Miranda Otto, adorably clinging to a vomit-stained toilet.

Eventually, Heather’s dad unleashes an army of hitmen to reclaim the documents and the thugs cut a swathe through the building, brutally killing her boyfriend in Social Services, the janitor and the security guard. Quite how much public and bloody carnage Heather’s dad is willing to cause in order to keep his dirty business quiet is open to question. Subtlety clearly isn’t his strong suit.

Heather simply goes back to the 13th floor and when her dad turns up, alone, the ghost possesses Heather, zaps dad to pieces with mind-bolts and crushes him with a lift for good measure.

Need to know: Writer and director Chris Roache would later put his soapy leanings to good use – he went on to write and direct the overwrought Australian teen TV drama, Heartbreak High. The 13th Floor is often mistaken for The Thirteenth Floor, a 1999 sci-fi thriller about virtual reality starring Craig Bierko and Gretchen Mol.

Availability: The 13th Floor only ever received a VHS release, but is reasonably easy to find via eBay.

		The 13th Floor (1988) Heather Thompson’s dad is a bit of a dodgy character. A rising Australian politician, he also gets involved in plenty of dirty business and when she’s just a young girl, Heather witnesses one such act. Disobeying her father’s order to stay in the car, she follows him to the 13th floor of an office block under construction, where she sees him torture a man over some missing money – and then electrocute his son. Twelve years later and Heather has, somewhat predictably, grown into something of an unruly young woman. Living on her wits, she’s swiped incriminating evidence about her father’s murderous affairs and squats in the very same office block where his crimes took place. Where in the office block? Why, the 13th floor of course. It’s empty because nobody will rent it thanks to the screwy electrics. Do you think there could be something spooky going on? Of course there is. The ghost of the electrocuted young boy inhabits the wiring, and he wants Heather to help him get his revenge. But before we get to the supernatural vengeance we have to suffer through a stupefying amount of dreary soap opera nonsense with Heather’s squalid pals. Sharing the squat is Rebecca, a homeless junkie waif who has taken a shine to Heather. Dressed in a beige paisley blouse, a brown skirt and a brown headscarf for the entire movie, she looks less like an Eighties runaway and more like a dowdy Sixties housewife. And, you guessed it, Rebecca is played by the 21-year-old Miranda Otto, still fifteen years away from finding fame as Eowyn in the Lord of the Rings trilogy and starring in Spielberg’s War of the Worlds. The office block is also home to Australia’s Social Services department, an operation that apparently requires just two men and one computer. The younger, more sexually desperate, of the two men falls for Heather, and helps her change her name on the database to avoid detection. This simple task takes about ten minutes of screen time. She then shags him as a thank you. Another five minutes. At this point the filmmakers clearly realised they needed to remind people that they’re watching a ghost story, as Heather’s romp with the man from Social Services really upsets Rebecca, thanks to her unrequited lesbian crush. The distraught Rebecca locks herself in the toilets and the apparition of the boy finally does something useful and mutely nudges her in the direction of a massive and fatal overdose. Exit Miranda Otto, adorably clinging to a vomit-stained toilet. Eventually, Heather’s dad unleashes an army of hitmen to reclaim the documents and the thugs cut a swathe through the building, brutally killing her boyfriend in Social Services, the janitor and the security guard. Quite how much public and bloody carnage Heather’s dad is willing to cause in order to keep his dirty business quiet is open to question. Subtlety clearly isn’t his strong suit. Heather simply goes back to the 13th floor and when her dad turns up, alone, the ghost possesses Heather, zaps dad to pieces with mind-bolts and crushes him with a lift for good measure. Need to know: Writer and director Chris Roache would later put his soapy leanings to good use – he went on to write and direct the overwrought Australian teen TV drama, Heartbreak High. The 13th Floor is often mistaken for The Thirteenth Floor, a 1999 sci-fi thriller about virtual reality starring Craig Bierko and Gretchen Mol. Availability: The 13th Floor only ever received a VHS release, but is reasonably easy to find via eBay.
Text © 2008 Dan Whitehead. No cut and paste, y'hear? All images remain the property of the offending studios and their reproduction is covered by Fair Use law.