The velvety tones of everyone’s favourite starship-commanding
thespian have graced many movies over the years. Some have been great,
many have been crap – but only one finds the Royal Shakespeare
Company veteran possessed by the soul of a sexy nude space vampire. That
movie is Tobe Hooper’s peculiar ’85 British sci-fi flick,
Lifeforce.
In the movie, astronauts investigating Halley’s Comet discover
a mysterious craft hidden in the heart of the comet. Inside they find
thousands of mummified space bats, as you do, and three comatose (and
naked) humanoids. Needless to say, this being a sci fi flick from the
director of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, the astronauts don’t last
very long – but their shuttle is retrieved, with the comatose (and
naked) humanoids still very much intact.
Once back in London, all three wake up and raise merry naked hell. Luckily
for the audience, the two ugly bloke humanoids are killed almost immediately
while the sexy naked female space vampire escapes to cause yet more naked
havoc. Completely naked.
She has the power to take over people’s minds you see, distracting
them with her sheer nakedness before draining their lifeforce, and before
you know it London is awash with space vampire zombies - although these
ones are mostly clothed. The movie ends, rather bizarrely, with the souls
of the possessed shooting up into space as big blue lights. Or something
like that. Even though one of the main characters uses a convenient psychic
link to the aliens to explain just what in the shitting hell is going
on, it still doesn’t make a whole lot of sense – though that
didn’t stop Hollywood lifting the core concept of a randy naked
female ET for the smutty 1995 monster romp, Species.
And where does Patrick Stewart fit into all this crazy naked mayhem?
He plays Dr. Armstrong, the doctor in charge of a psychiatric hospital
where the sexy naked female space vampire’s spirit ends up, having
hitched a ride in a nurse. You’ll be pleased to hear that Patrick
does indeed get possessed by said sexy naked space vampire, and even
locks lips with one of the male heroes before vomiting a lot of blood
into quite alarming shapes on a helicopter. Then he dies.
Need to know: Stewart has claimed that his possessed frenchie with co-star
Steve Railsback was his first ever on-screen kiss. It’s hard to
believe, but the scene could have been even more erotic – Stewart’s
role was originally to have been played by Sir John Gielgud. The plot
of Lifeforce is also very similar to that of 1966 space shocker Queen
of Blood (see: Dennis Hopper).
Availability: Lifeforce came out on DVD in 2002 in the UK, though it’s
increasingly hard to find. The US DVD release is much easier to track
down.
