Flicks of Shame: what's a nice actor like you doing in a movie like this?

Les 1001 Nuits (1990)

The Welsh wonder woman burst into the public consciousness following her debut performance in the 1991 British TV series The Darling Buds of May, right? Well, technically, yes. That was when Catherine first began to ascend the ladder of celebrity. But it wasn’t her debut.

No, her first screen work came the year before, in this saucy French fantasy film based on a veritable all-you-can-eat buffet of Arabian legends.

In the original story, a powerful Sheik wants many wives but can only marry one at a time. To get around this thorny problem, he humps them once and then has them executed so he can marry the next. Ruthless, but you can’t fault his initiative. His next conquest, Sheherazade, is a wily minx and she stays alive by regaling the sheik with wild stories for 1001 nights rather than consummate the relationship.

In this bawdy film update, with Zeta Jones as Sheherazade, things are spiced up a little as the comely lass recounts her adventures as she waits to be beheaded for some mysterious crime. As an ever-growing crowd of fervent admirers gathers around, we flip through flashback after flashback, discovering how Sheherazade went from feisty slave gal to enemy of the state.

The wacky comedy elements come with the introduction of Aladdin’s magic lamp and the Genie within, here renamed Jimmy Genius. In a twist that almost certainly wasn’t included in the original legends, the genie’s lamp is actually a portal to a well-furnished apartment in modern day London, where the magical being watches over Sheherazade on his television set. Should she require assistance, he simply leaps into the screen and is transported back to ancient Bagdhad.

Thanks to the continual help of this wish-granting ally, Sheherazade manages to elude the Sheik’s clutches in a multitude of different ways – all of them rather surreal and anachronistic. At various points, the Genie charges to the rescue using an airplane, a motorbike and a helicopter. At another point, both the Genie, Sheherazade and Sinbad flee from a storm-battered raft and retreat into the lamp to watch the 1969 moon landing on video. Of course, it’s rather hard to figure out just why any of this is happening since the movie has never been available in English (Catherine’s vocals are dubbed) or even with English subtitles.

It should also be mentioned that our 22-year-old star spends an enormous proportion of the running time either naked, nearly naked or about to be naked. The nudity is more in the spirit of saucy French farce than anything overtly sexual but the sight of Catherine losing her clothing as she parachutes into the lap of Sinbad, or emerging from the ocean with only a few tiny seashells covering the areas that now only Michael Douglas enjoys, should be more than enough to prick up the ears of most male movie-goers.

The net result is a movie that feels like Terry Gilliam’s Baron Munchausen crossed with the Carry On movies. Whether that acts as a hearty recommendation or a dire warning is entirely up to you.

Honourable mentions: Once she hitched her wagon to the fame train Catherine managed to avoid appearing in any more bizarre movies - though, for those looking for other early appearances, she can be found opposite a young Ewan McGregor in the obscure British surfing movie Blue Juice, while her first big US screen role was in the completely daft but very entertaining 1996 superhero flop, The Phantom, in which she played a haughty Nazi villainess opposite Billy Zane’s jungle-dwelling purple-clad hero.

Availability: Les 1001 Nuits is available on DVD in France.

		Les 1001 Nuits (1990) The Welsh wonder woman burst into the public consciousness following her debut performance in the 1991 British TV series The Darling Buds of May, right? Well, technically, yes. That was when Catherine first began to ascend the ladder of celebrity. But it wasn’t her debut. No, her first screen work came the year before, in this saucy French fantasy film based on a veritable all-you-can-eat buffet of Arabian legends. In the original story, a powerful Sheik wants many wives but can only marry one at a time. To get around this thorny problem, he humps them once and then has them executed so he can marry the next. Ruthless, but you can’t fault his initiative. His next conquest, Sheherazade, is a wily minx and she stays alive by regaling the sheik with wild stories for 1001 nights rather than consummate the relationship. In this bawdy film update, with Zeta Jones as Sheherazade, things are spiced up a little as the comely lass recounts her adventures as she waits to be beheaded for some mysterious crime. As an ever-growing crowd of fervent admirers gathers around, we flip through flashback after flashback, discovering how Sheherazade went from feisty slave gal to enemy of the state. The wacky comedy elements come with the introduction of Aladdin’s magic lamp and the Genie within, here renamed Jimmy Genius. In a twist that almost certainly wasn’t included in the original legends, the genie’s lamp is actually a portal to a well-furnished apartment in modern day London, where the magical being watches over Sheherazade on his television set. Should she require assistance, he simply leaps into the screen and is transported back to ancient Bagdhad. Thanks to the continual help of this wish-granting ally, Sheherazade manages to elude the Sheik’s clutches in a multitude of different ways – all of them rather surreal and anachronistic. At various points, the Genie charges to the rescue using an airplane, a motorbike and a helicopter. At another point, both the Genie, Sheherazade and Sinbad flee from a storm-battered raft and retreat into the lamp to watch the 1969 moon landing on video. Of course, it’s rather hard to figure out just why any of this is happening since the movie has never been available in English (Catherine’s vocals are dubbed) or even with English subtitles. It should also be mentioned that our 22-year-old star spends an enormous proportion of the running time either naked, nearly naked or about to be naked. The nudity is more in the spirit of saucy French farce than anything overtly sexual but the sight of Catherine losing her clothing as she parachutes into the lap of Sinbad, or emerging from the ocean with only a few tiny seashells covering the areas that now only Michael Douglas enjoys, should be more than enough to prick up the ears of most male movie-goers. The net result is a movie that feels like Terry Gilliam’s Baron Munchausen crossed with the Carry On movies. Whether that acts as a hearty recommendation or a dire warning is entirely up to you. Honourable mentions: Once she hitched her wagon to the fame train Catherine managed to avoid appearing in any more bizarre movies - though, for those looking for other early appearances, she can be found opposite a young Ewan McGregor in the obscure British surfing movie Blue Juice, while her first big US screen role was in the completely daft but very entertaining 1996 superhero flop, The Phantom, in which she played a haughty Nazi villainess opposite Billy Zane’s jungle-dwelling purple-clad hero. Availability: Les 1001 Nuits is available on DVD in France.
Text © 2008 Dan Whitehead. No cut and paste, y'hear? All images remain the property of the offending studios and their reproduction is covered by Fair Use law.